Feed your kid chocolate on public transportation. Unless you’ve got a stash of handy wipes or some Purell all up in that overloaded bag of yours - think before you give your child chocolate that ends up all over their nasty hands and all over the nasty seat and then all over me and every other New Yorker that has to take the bus or wants to sit down for the few minutes they can on the subway.

And while you’re at it - why not take a few minutes out of each day to explain to your child that they are not the most important thing on the planet. That their conversation is NOT more important than the one you are having with your adult friend. And that they don’t need you to haul everything they own that could entertain them to every place you go today. Maybe this is easy for me to say from my no child rearing platform - but I am afraid of the generation of children that are being raised right now. I am afraid because they are going to be the entitled adults running the world that I’m going to have to live in when I’m all old and too tired to fight ‘em. I don’t know who started this new brand of parenting - this “I’m going to be everything to you that my parents never were for me” kind of attention giving and coddling. But I’m afraid of the repercussions. I mean - yes I think good parenting is very very important. I think child abuse is the cause of so much evil in our world. But this new parenting attitude is just going way to far in the opposite direction. If I see one more strung out skinny mom on the Upper West Side trying to keep up with all the activities and moment by moment nonsense that comes out of their kids mouths as if what they are saying is some of the most original thinking of our times I don’t know what I’ll do. I mean our parents certainly didn’t do that and we all turned out fine didn’t we? I mean yeah we’re fucked up all in our own ways but that’s what makes us special and original too isn’t it? And that’s what gives us a common language with each other. What is that new generation going to bond over if you keep this behavior up anyway? I don’t know and frankly I’m afraid of it already. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.